You have to understand why I do the things I do. I’m so afraid of loosing you because the last time I lost track of someone for so much as a day I lost them and they ran off with someone else. And the last time I had close contact with another human being I cared about I was 14. I’m not trying to be clingy. And I’m so afraid of being that way. But being able to hold and kiss and show you my affection is so new to me I’m not sure how to manifest it into action.
I saw that link, where you said I am one of the Greatest People Ever, and that you love me to death.
I love you too. And I’m sorry I can’t be a better older sister. I’ve been exactly where you are right now, and I know that the last thing you want sometimes is for someone to try and fix your life for you, because you believe that you can do it yourself. And you can. Sometimes you have to be selfish and it ends up hurting other people. That’s okay. But to get better you have to want it. You have to want it real bad. And maybe you don’t want to get better right now. That’s okay because changing yourself is a lot of effort and energy, and maybe not energy you have right now. I know. I know I know I know. But you can do it kid. I haven’t done it yet. I’m getting there. You’re not alone in this life, or this family. Dad knows, I know, my mom knows (talk to her if you need to, she’s pretty cool) , and Kyle’s starting to know too. And we can all help you. You just gotta tell us how, and no bullshit. Gotta be straight up. But we love you. And we want you to be okay. Please be okay. I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but you’ll make it through this. Please be okay.